The Dead Things That God Made Part Four: Rebirth and Green Things

Elliot slams the door to their apartment hard. Jack walks in from the living room eating a burrito.

What's your fucking problem?

My god damn car is all fucked up.

What do you mean your car is fucked up?

It keeps stalling on me. I almost died at the stoplight by Wal-Mart.

The one by Wendy's?

No, not the one by Wendys, the one past Erlanger, by the McDonalds and Home Depot.

Oh yeah and there is an Arbys right around the bend.

Yeah. Across from Burger King and The Verizon superstore.

Didn't that used to be a Thriftway?

No, Jack, You are thinking about the old shopping mall across from Taco Bell and Popeyes.

Oh yeah, that is right, no wait...

Wait, I am sorry, I meant to say the KFC. My bad.

The Thriftway was behind the KFC and Taco Bell, and there is a ToyRUs there now.

And I heard they are thinking about putting up an Ihop, Waffle House, Bob Evans, Dennys, Roy Rodgers, Chucks Cut and Cropped Chicken Fry Sandwiches, Chick Filet, and maybe even a Blockbuster Video and a Starbucks.

Anyway, your car stalled?

Yeah I was at the stoplight and it just died and it wouldn't start and there were all these trucks coming up behind me. It was fucking scary man.

Well let me eat my burrito and then I will check it out.

Groovy.


***


Jack, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, is wearing a pair of huge goggles, gloves, and a tie with the hood popped on Elliot's shitty car. He knows what he is doing when it comes to cars, although the use of the goggles remains a mystery. Elliot comes outside drinking a beer.

Man I am stressed out.

Why?

Because my car always fucks up. Fuck. I can't afford to deal with a fucked up fucking car. Everything is fucking ruined now.

Jack flips his goggles off his eyes for a second.

You need to relax. It could something as simple, like a fuse or something. I will fix the thing. Re. Lax. Go inside, drink some beer, watch some TV. I got this shit, all right?

Ok. Fine.

Elliot pouts back inside. He finishes his beer and throws it across the kitchen while going to the fridge to get another one. He plops down in front of the tube and turns it on.

He flips until he reaches a show called The Documentary of the Man who Refused to Give it Up Even as He Turned into the Earth He Came From.


Elliot shakes his head.

How about a little fucking brevity these days?

He turns the volume up.

A smooth women's voice narrates.

The unnamed man stood stationary on the pier for months. Whatever object he was protecting was never to be discovered. His face was not scared or in pain, he was completely emotionless.

The man is crouched down bear hugging a dark unseen object. He is standing on the very end of a board walk. People walk by him and don't really pay attention.

Weeks passed. His skin slowly turned a dark grey. His bones grew out of his skin. Dark green plants started growing out of his exposed bones. No Pain. No fear. Earth returning him and his gift protected.

Elliot grimaces.

Who writes this shit?

Time lapses on the show. The man becomes darker and his face seems to disappear into muscle, where little green pieces of plant grow out of every crevice of his face. His posture becomes poorer and poorer. It is becoming difficult to tell that he was ever a human being.

When the scene was over the green died and the dust blew all evidence away. No one saw where he came from or who he was. Some people were furious with the complete disregard of answers regarding what occurred there. Others were ok with the ambiguity and admired the act itself. The difference in opinion has caused a major debate on the internet, where the opposing teams, Team Greenface and Team Stand Up and Show Us What You Were Hiding in the First place, constantly argue each other's point of view.

Elliot flips the station.

***

Jack slides out from underneath the car. He has dirt and oil all over his face and goggles and shirt. He has a wrench in one hand and tiny screw in the other. He stand up, dusts himself off, and smiles.

I am the shit.

He gets inside the car and starts it up. It sounds good. He lets it run for a minute and presses down on the gas.

Jack walks into the living room.

I fixed yo shit.

Really?

Yessir.

What was wrong.

Nothing major my friend.

I love you.

I know it. Come out I'll show you what the fuck.

They both walk outside. Elliot, with his white t-shirt and blue jeans. Jack with his filthy white dress shirt and filthy black tie and oversize goggles that look like they belong on a pilot, approach Elliot's car. Jack lifts up the good. They both stand there and stare into the open hood with their usual blank stares when something fucked up happens. Jack tilts his head the way a dog does. Elliot sips his beer.

That was not what was wrong with it, by the way, Jack nonchalantly says.

Inside the hood of the car there is no engine or anything that should be there.

Instead there are hundreds of tiny perfectly round little faces. They are lined up in perfect rows. They are all yelling some unintelligible language. Although there are many faces, they are so small that the sound is not loud. The faces all seem to be a woman's face. Some are mad, some are calm.

Behind them on the street two cars crash into each other in a horrible head on collision. A truck and a minivan. The woman driving the mini-van is thrown out of the front window at about 50 miles per hour. She skids on the street and the impact removes most of her face. The truck driver is slouched over the steering wheel. He is wearing a cowboy hat so it hard to tell how bad it is. Jack and Elliot slam the hood down and run at full speed towards the wreck. Jack runs towards the truck and Elliot runs towards the van.

There is smoke and glass and blood everywhere. Jack runs around to the driver's side of the truck and pulls the door open. The man in the cowboy hat is not moving. Jack slowly cups the man's chest and pushes back slowly. He sits the man up. He is an older man with a goatee and blood all over his face. His eyes are open but he doesn't look aware. He starts coughing really hard, as if he is struggling to breath.

Come on buddy, take deep breaths, in and out, you gotta breath brother, in and out, nice big deep breaths.

The man makes eye contact with him. Jack is calm and maybe even in a heroic mode, but to the man he looks like the craziest thing he has ever seen. The man starts to think maybe he is already dead. He starts to control his breathing.

We need to get you out of this fucking car right now, all right? Can you walk?

The man, slow and drowsy, nods his head. Jack lifts his arm under the man's armpit.

Jack helps him get out of the car. Jack walks him over to a front yard. Carefully helps him lay down. Jack screams. SOMEONE FUCKING CALL 911 GODAMN.

Elliot tries to slide the van door open. The door seems to be jammed. He sees something moving around inside, but he cannot make out what they look at. With some absurd adrenaline fueled strength he pulls the door open.

He looks in. At first all he sees is black and smoke.

Then he sees them. They look to be the size of a child, but they are not children.

His mind flashes back to the man on the pier. There are three creatures inside of the van. Two on the seat, and one on the car floor. They are skinless things, but their muscles all look black and decayed. Every crevice of their body is growing tiny little trees, with branches and leaves. Their eyes are freakishly huge and their pupils are a light green. They are chattering their teeth nonstop in a chaotic sound like a cartoon. Their hands consist of three large round finger shaped like an oversize talon.

Elliot takes a baffled step back. He turns around to look for Jack. Jack is in the yard cradling the man's head. A women runs out and starts helping Jack take care of the badly injured man. Jack looks up at Elliot. Elliot motions him to come here. Jack says something to the women and runs over. Goggles still on. He looks in the van. The creatures teeth start chattering faster. Jack turns to Elliot.

I saw some fucking show on TV with some dude who looks like these fucking guys!, Jack yells.

So did I. Holy shit is that guy all right.

Yeah I think so, he is talking and shit so that is a good sign. Oh shit that women!

They both run around to the front of the accident to find the women. As they are running towards her they hear the hood to Elliot's car burst open. All of the little faces rush out at an unbelievable speed. They are all screaming and rolling towards the women. Jack and Elliot try to out run them.

There is a skid of blood and facial tissue leading up to the women's body. A piece of her cheek. Half of her eyeball. Some teeth scattered about. That might be a tongue. Two skinny pieces of lips.The body is face down and there is a huge pool blood all around it.

The tiny faces in the hood of the car slam the hood open and start shooting out towards the bloody pool in a mob. Hundreds of balls of big eyes and teeth. The faces start pushing the women over on her back. Jack and Elliot get to the scene but they can only stand there and watch whatever it is they are watching.

The women's face is completely torn off. There are bloody craters and bone but no discernable human face can be made out. Elliot says out loud that that is the most fucked up thing that he has have ever seen. Jack shrugs.

The tiny faces start screaming louder. One by one they start bouncing on her face. When they touch her they explode like a raindrop made of skin and paint. One by one, her face begins to reconstruct. One splashes an eyeball. Another one splashes a part of her lip. Eventfully her face is completely restored. All of the tiny heads are gone. The blood and face matter are still splattered everywhere. Her body twitches and shakes and she stands up by herself. She shakes her head. She just stares at the two of them. Her voice is serene and pretty. Looking at her now Jack realizes that the little tiny round faces in the hood where actually her face the whole time.

Did you see my boys?

Behind them the two cars explode. Jack and Elliot are pushed down on the ground by the blast. All the windows on the street, including their apartment, are blown out in the shockwave. The blast is huge.

The woman remains standing. She lowers her head in a very melancholic manner.

I refuse to give up. It's what they would of wanted.

She starts walking down the street with her head to the ground, like some kind of sick real life Charlie Brown parody.


***


The fire trucks and paramedics arrive. The firemen put the car fires out. The paramedics take the old man away. They tell Jack that he is going to be fine and that Jack saved his life by opening up his breathing passages. Elliot and Jack talk to the police for about an hour. Neither of them mention the lady or the tree monsters in the van. Jack keeps his goggles on the whole time. Finally the accident is cleaned up and Jack and Elliot return to their windowless home.

They both go straight for the fridge and both get a beer out and drink it.

They sit down on the couch and just sit there, tired and jaded and confused.

So what was wrong with my car.

Spark plug.

Oh.

It's no big thing. I'll go get the part tomorrow.

You saved that guys life.

I guess so. I'll have to call the hospital later on and see how he is doing.

What a fucked up thing to happen.

No shit.

You maybe want to change your fucking shirt? You got blood and oil and shit all over it.

Oh man your right.

What do you want to eat?

I don't know. How about Applebees?

Nah, I am no huge fan. Maybe we can cruise down to Steak n' Shake?

How about Jack in a Box?

Yum. Fucking Chipotle?

That will do. And we can stop by the Auto Savers Auto Deluxe Store on the way back.

That sounds great. And maybe I can hit up the Game Buy and Trade and get the new video game out today called Star Runners.

Well if you are going to the Game Buy and Trade then I will have to go into the Dicks Sporting Good store right next door, and maybe go into the Best Buy afterwards.

Or we can just go to the Sonic burger joint right in front.

Whatever.

Hey Jack.

What.

What the fuck is going on here?

With what?

What the fuck were those creatures?

I dunno.

What the fuck was up with the ladies face?

Beats me.

What the fuck is the point of all this? Why us?

...

...

How about Pizza Hut? We can just order something...


End, Part Four